Creativity Over Adversities

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Turning 16 is big. Everyone wants a huge party that comes with a car. I wanted a job. Struggling was a factor. My mommy, two sisters and I have seen the white paper, then the blue paper, then the sheriff, so you know he showed us the yellow paper. Oh the stress.

Now, it got real when it came to family reunion trips. We went, saving every penny. That didn't last. By the end of the trip, we were hungry. No more money to eat out with the rest of the family. They saw it. My mommy, two sisters and I had no funds. Some stared, some talked, some showed off, and one helped. Oh the embarrassment. But at that moment, I resented them. But why? We weren't their responsibility.

I needed a job bad. I applied everywhere, but no response. Then one day I noticed my weight, like I really noticed the pounds I had on me. I blamed my fat. I blamed my fat for keeping me away from job opportunities. That shit had to go. I had to get rid of the fat. I will always remember how I felt when that boy from middle school made fun of my weight, or the stares that kept my head down during high school. I just looked at my fat, cried, kept it moving, and remember how my grandmother would tell me I'm not fat, God made me plump. Rest In Peace my beautiful angel. 

But, it was something at that moment in time when applying for jobs that told me to disown my fat, to hate it, to kill it, to not give no more food to support it. I love food so there was no way I could give up the curry chicken, honey buns, or fast foods. So, I tricked my stomach, you have it, now you don't.

I wrote this a while back and wanted to share the moments when life had me effed up. Life had me thinking the impossibilities and was stopping me from dreaming. 

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It's tough not being the person you want to be, especially when entering a career. You see so much beautiful people and wonder if you are beautiful just as they are. It took me awhile to overcome shyness and to stop downing my image. I still go through the shyness but, it's not as bad as it was before. 
Life obstacles can really downplay your confidence and hold back your inner creativity. But the biggest remedy for your struggles is to express it through art, express every bad moment through art. Whether it's putting on makeup everyday or drawing each and everyday, some form of art will remind you of who you are and push you to strive for the best for you. 

Elevate your beauty and brighten your days!