How I Stopped Blaming Myself And Started Discovering Who I Truly Am


I left that house blaming myself for the end of us. I thought about all the things I could have done to save us. I begged God to forgive me each and everyday. I cried because I just knew for sure that I did it, that I failed, and that I was the cause for the end of us. 

I left that neighborhood blaming myself for the end of our time in that house we lived in. I thought about all the things I could have done to save our home and keep those people from removing our items. I tried to work out a solution but, they didn't want to hear it. They had a mission and for that, I blamed myself for them not being understanding. 

I left that house, not the first house or the second house mentioned. I left us, not the first us mentioned. This time when I left, I was sad and thought about all the things that went wrong and asked myself could I have done something different that would have resulted in us staying together. I went into a deep thought about this question for a whole week and that following week I finally answered out loud to my self, "NO, I couldn't have done anything differently. I did everything I could have done." And for that, I don't blame myself. 

Self- blame. Wow, I could go on and on about that act of blaming oneself but, I'm going to tell you about how I stopped blaming myself and started discovering who I truly am. If you are going through the phase of blaming yourself for things that have occurred or are occurring, I hope you can relate and start truly discovering yourself like I have done. 

For years, I blamed myself for everything under the sun. I blamed myself for the difficulty of getting my first job when I was 16. I thought I was too fat and no one wanted to hire me because of that. That blame lead to self- shame. I blamed myself for the breakups and failed friendships. I blamed myself for the adversities my family experienced. I was emotionally abusing myself.

Self blame is toxic and can ruin every bit of you.

Self blame alters who you are; leading you to stir away from who you truly are.  You can be this strong individual who's caring and love too hard. But, the moment you go through a breakup, for example, you start to blame yourself for caring too much or loving too hard. " Maybe he left me because I loved him so much and wanted to be his shoulder to lean on......I should have given him space....Now I'm just not going to be loving as much even though I love to love....." Real life: Imagine blaming yourself for almost 3 years about that. Then all of a sudden, he reconnects with you and tells you that it was never your fault.

The craziest thing is I knew it wasn't my fault from the get go, but I still blamed myself. I took on his fault and responsibility. Don't get me wrong. I had flaws and wasn't perfect. I had responsibility too. 

Last scenario I mentioned above, I stopped blaming myself and that led me to stop blaming myself for everything else I go through. Even when I fail at something today, I take responsibility  and don't blame myself . I very much figure out ways to not fail as much as I did before then eventually, not fail again.  By doing this, I discovered so much about myself which led to a personal evolution. 

Now, how to stop all this self -blame and start recognizing your true self...

1. Take responsibility for yourself only if necessary. Accept that you are not perfect but, you are a work in progress. 

2. Acknowledge all the good things about yourself. What makes you happy? What are you lifetime goals? 

3, Learn from hardships and adversities. 

4. Be around those who uplifts you.

5. Understand that most things can't be controlled 

6. Read self- help books to help you put everything into perspective

7. Love Yourself

Self blame is really not knowing why things work or happen the way they do and because of that we tend to just blame ourselves, taking the easy way out. For me, my self blame disappeared when I started to put everything into perspective and realized that I ONLY can control my actions and take responsibility of MY OWN actions. 

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